My Spiritual Awakening Journey & How It Impacts My Work

I was always interested in consciousness, the mystical experience, and human creativity. I was always multidisciplinary in my curiosities. I would examine these topics through superficial understandings of physics, biology, culture, art and history or memory. I experimented with many spiritual and mystical traditions in my early years, though in full disclosure, throughout my twenties, I was completely hijacked by the outer authority creation model. So my explorations were always limited by what was available to my eyes, the credibility of the speaker, lacked discernment, and my spiritual or inner work was oriented towards how to “be a better performer” and “Law of attraction – Get me what I want in the material world.”

In 2015, I had a profound meditation experience that helped me to recognize this. I was shocked to realize how much of my being was still operating from fear despite my spiritual awareness, rebellious belief systems, and the shadow wound work I was doing. That day, I committed to something else: the truth.

I didn’t care if it made me look “good” or “bad.” I didn’t care if it made me rich or poor.  I wasn’t leveraging or guided by any traditional spiritual discipline at the time; I was interested in living more honestly and being more present in my everyday life. I was interested in getting to the root of my anxiety, my fears, my nightmares, and my desires.

After four years of incremental change through real shadow work (the one where you take radical ownership through inner authority), daily creative meditation, and some of the hardest, darkest years of my life, I had a spontaneous awakening acceleration and energetic shift that some would call a Kundalini awakening. I was not prepared nor did I understand what was happening at the time. My entire life became an intense altered reality for nearly two years. I thought I was losing my mind (which I was), but my bliss state was so pervasive I didn’t care. My nervous system went through massive electrical movements through the chakra system for weeks at a time. My chest felt like it exploded. Emotions I didn’t even know existed were flowing and overflowing randomly throughout my day. I was having visions of different stories I didn’t understand, knowing things about people I shouldn’t know, and suddenly the only thing that mattered to me was following my intuition and learning what it means to love. I engaged rapidly in deep spiritual study, sacred travel, and more disciplined somatic practice to help me clarify, ground, and integrate a brand new perception field.

I share this story because I strongly believe that “kundalini” or rapid consciousness expansion or other heightened states of awareness are our divine right and awakens through genuine, deep work into the self. It cannot be forced or activated by another. We cannot force our consciousness to go where it isn’t ready… without consequence. We cannot force our bodies to have kundalini or any other type of activation. If we seek these mystical experiences as the magical fix without doing the vulnerable work of self inquiry and correction, then it is our ego that is using spirituality to continue the same patterns – only this time your every behavior is justified because you are chosen by God/gods/aliens.

Without a genuine commitment to honesty and humility, our demons can get the better of us – literally. I feel the last seven years of my life has been initiation after initiation, test after test. More love is present within my being than ever before, but it feels different than what I would have expected prior to this change. My perception is constantly opening and refocusing as I integrate a new layer within the field.

I also don’t believe this process is ever done. I encourage healthy skepticism when listening to anyone who claims “finished” work, enlightenment, or omniscience after a shift. From my perceptive (which is of course limited as well), the creative universe can only be experienced through limited awareness so omniscience can’t exist. God can be felt but never fully known through the intellect – higher truth is always unfolding no matter how expanded our awareness may be. There is definitely a spectrum of awareness and consciousness (the capability of an individual unit to embody that awareness). However, this is always in some way an expression of your own consciousness and incredibly unique in its expression depending on the essence signature of each person, so I find the measuring stick of awareness in spirituality to be silly and completely ego motivated.

Personally, I call the spiritual awakening process an infinite wild journey through remembering multidimensionality and why it matters as a human now. With more awareness and self leadership commitment,we can navigate this remembrance a little easier, alleviate more suffering, and even enjoy the play of creation again.

That said, it is important to apply discernment with all teachers, mentors, healers, and co-creators. Do they resonate with your deepest inner truth right now? I’ll write more on this topic at another time, but essentially discernment is understanding where you are in your own development and why this individual is appearing.

Questions to ask: Why is this person in my awareness field? What are they bringing up in my shadow? Do they make me angry, envious, lustful, etc? What are they bringing up in my potential to love more truthfully? What are they inspiring? What is a healthy starting contract for me to further explore this connection/mirror? Can I take the next step with full trust? Why or why not? Go through this process until you find coherence in a “yes” or “no.” Then trust the yes. Not because it gets you what you want, but it will get you closer to what you need to evolve.

There’s no shortage of “spiritual” teachers who will sell you your awakening by their divine touch, special elixir, or singular technique.  I do not support this work. I believe it can be very harmful. Expanded awareness and multidimensional access is a natural consequence of healing anchors within our field and an honest commitment to the sacred path. If we dedicate ourselves to truth through deep self-inquiry, physical, and mental purification, and act from heart-centered intuition throughout the day, we will accelerate organically as our consciousness is able to integrate and embody more expanded awareness.